Okay, okay, we here at "The Fray" our sorry to say that we have spent more time watching movies this summer and less time reviewing them and we apologize for the late review. So to make amends we are going to slam down three reviews for the price of one. But before I start Uncle Pappy wants to share a little story about how to go about watching a much anticipated sequels.
As a wee pup, oh so many years ago, way back in the days they had that archaic magic box called a VCR. …dear Uncle Pappy…fell in love with a movie that I found hidden on a dusty video shelf of an ole mom and pop store. The store had makeshift wooden shelves and looked more like a house then an actual store. The rustic swamp cooler rumbled overhead and as I made my way in among the ancient wooden shelves I felt a quickening I could not explain to mere mortals. I was being drawn by some outside source and I felt the presents of an empty cover box calling to me. “From the dawn of time we came. Moving silently down through the centuries” it said on the back and sure enough their on the box was a man who looked a lot like the original James Bond. “I must rent this movie for surely it can not be as bad as haggis”. And so I did. As the movie began the deep Scottish Egyptian Spanish voice told of a tale of a Gathering. Fanciful duels from all over the world ensued. Many men lost their heads in glorious combat. It was Awesome. As I watched this epic gathering unfold amongst the soundtrack of a mighty Queen, I knew what that narrator meant when he boldly proclaimed “their can be only one”…
HIGHLANDER-TRAILER
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…and never were those words more true than when with much anticipation I set out to see the sequel to that mighty sword wielding movie Highlander 2. What the heck…the sword wielding warriors who were born on Earth are Aliens? The price of the gathering is super intelligence? You can bring back your mentor and friends from the dead and you never bothered to do this until now? What have they done… the horror…the horror. This movie sucks. After the movies end I tried desperately to salvage the horrid movie experience I had just under gone. I said well um it had Connery in it? But alas I could not escape it. Two more movies later and several seasons of TV show later I could not help but to conclude what many that were drawn to that same first movie as I had to admit “There should have been only one.”
Watch this trailer at your own risk...
Every since that day I have never been the same. My expectations for sequels were permanently damaged. The memories of the horror of that night and the realizations that followed still haunt me in beautiful swiped flashbacks as I make my way in to see the latest and greatest blockbuster sequels to hit the theaters. If its one thing the memories of the Highlander 2 experiences have taught me is that when it comes to sequels it’s best to lower ones expectations or face the consequences. Can you blame me though? I grew up in the era of galactic greatness. My love of the ultimate trilogy of all time Star Wars (now called Ep IV-VI) had lulled me into a sense of false security for the sequels that may follow. But those days were beheaded now. And the quickening that follows gave me the power to say the magic words that make sequels instantly more pleasant; for the most part. What are those sacred words? Well let me tell you. Before I enter a movie sequel of my choice I say to myself. “Will it be as bad as Highlander 2” (repeat several times) and POOF…my movie experience is instantly better. Try it. It works. Trust me. Go for the eye candy, the thrill of the audience on opening day, or think of the time you will spend hanging with family or friends discussing the highs and lows. Now, I go for the fun. And this year was no exception. My method even works on other comic movie such as GhostRider. I greatly enjoyed that movie not because it was great comic film but because it was a fun fluffy ride.
SPIDERMAN 3 MOVIE TRAILER
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I must admit my expectations were higher than normal when I and the gang grabbed our popcorn and headed up the stadium seats for the latest installment of the web head on the big screen. Spider-man 3 was Batman crammed with way too many villains. It’s hard to tell a decent story with only 15 minutes per villain. And by films end none of the arcs get resolved with any real satisfaction. Was it a bad film “NOOOO”. Those who think it is... have not used the magic words, say it with me…“is it as bad as Highlander 2?”. Answer the question “NO” and BAM…I feel better already. It had great SFX, humorous moments and it was fun. Was it as good as Spiderman 2?...“Nooo”. Was it better than Batman 4?...ah,”YES”. Did it do it have more screen time for my man Bruce Campbell? “Heck…yeah…You rock Bruce”. People lighten up. It’s not Shakespeare. Well, the source material is close so I do see the confusion. But we need to keep in mind Sam Raimi is ten times better than any other director they would get to head this thing up. It had way less comic deviations than the X-Men movies and you can tell that the director has a good grasp of the source material and a unique love for the genre. Uncle Pappy gives it 3 ½ Paws out of 5 and on our grading scale B. Remember the magic formula!!!
Pirates of the Caribean at worlds end
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Summer Movie number two Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End. The plot was convoluted to say the least. Talk about crammed full of characters, it was like pin the tail on the motivation. Giant Sea Goddess’?... good girl turn pirate king?.. Good Guys gone bad, bad guys gone good, and then switch back and forth all over again. This plot and quickly contrived trilogy had more holes than a cannon blasted ghost ship at the bottom of Davy Jones’ Locker or is that the top which is the bottom in the Davy Jones’ nether land. But then I used the magic words “was it as bad as Highlander 2”…”Even half as bad?”…No. Was it fun…”Yes”? It had good sword fighting it was funny and Johnny Deep was great in it. Was it better than 2...”Yes”. As good as 1?…ah …”NO”. But better than watching a high school production of Pirates of Pinzance…”Oh yeah”. After using the magic words, Uncle Pappy gives it 3 ½ Paws out of 5 and on our grading scale a B.
Now on to the CG animated Shrek the Third. Wow, talk about phoning it in. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was exactly how this movie was made. Eddie Murphy on the set of Norbit calling in his dialog to the mix board over at dream works. Like a good uncle, I’ve endured countless precious hours of time lost to lousy children exploitation films. How many Land Before Times do we need? Didn’t we say everything we wanted to say with these characters in the first fiteen million movies? When do the Comets come down and wipe them all out already? Luckily, I have been able to steer my nephew away from some of the bad stuff with good stuff like Shrek 1 and 2. But I have to say The Shrek franchise is pushing closer and closer to child exploitation films like a Disney direct to DVD Cinderella III. But say the magic words and presto the film fairs okay. It’s humorous enough to enjoy with a child and not painful enough to pull out your hair. Pappy gives it 2 4/5 Paws out of 5 and an almost B- but C+.
And there you have it. For our next review…
Fantastic Four trailer; Rise of the Silver Surfer
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Stay tuned to see if the coming of the Galactus Herald on a surfboard can redeem the fallout of the first Fantastic Four in Fantastic Four: the Rise of the Silver Surfer.
It can’t be as bad as the first one...can it?
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